How to share the care of a parent with your siblings

Caring for an aging parent goes better when everyone knows whose turn it is, the work stays fair over months, and news doesn't get lost in a group chat. Here is a way to set it up.

1. List what needs doing

Most families end up with a few recurring duties: a visit (daily or a few times a week), a check-in call, groceries and errands, and the medication round. Write down each one, the time it happens and the days it's needed.

2. Choose how turns go round

• Each day, the next person. Fairest over time. Days nobody needs to come (a hospital stay, a respite week) are skipped, so nobody loses a turn to them.
• Same weekdays every week. Easiest to fit around jobs and school runs.
• A week each. Fewest handovers; works well when a sibling lives far away and comes for a whole week.

Start the second duty one person later than the first, so the one who visits in the evening isn't also the one who calls in the morning.

Example: three siblings, one week

3. Agree on how to cover

Work trips and sick kids happen. Agree that whoever can't make their turn asks the others, and the turn stays theirs until someone says yes. Keep a count of turns, so favors even out and nobody quietly carries the load.

4. Write an update after each visit

A two-line update ("ate well, took the evening pills, a bit tired") saves three phone calls. Flag anything the others must know today: a fall, missed medication, pain.

5. Keep one care binder

Medications, doctors, the pharmacy, the door code and who to call: one shared list that every helper can open, instead of the one sibling who knows everything. Use our care binder checklist to start.

Templates by number of siblings

• Care schedule for two siblings
• Care schedule for three siblings
• Care schedule for four siblings
• Care schedule for five siblings